Can You See Me? Children Living With Abuse Remaining Silent - The Damage Can Be Devastating
Every single day all over the world a child or young adult is being abused, bullied, neglected or traumatized. Many of them are experiencing all of this at one time.
IMAGINE if that was you?
A young innocent child trying to make their way through life not knowing anything but darkness. Day after day the abuse comes, and they continue to endure trying to find goodness anywhere that they can connect to.
The young child grows and enters school. With a heavy sack on their back filled with such destruction (emotional, physical, mental, sexual abuse), and add in bullying to that horrible list. What you have is a recipe for disaster.
The child steps into a classroom where he/she is expected to be an obedient little soldier and learn at the highest of levels. This expectation in itself adds such anxiety and stress to the young child, and many of them break.
They break in all different types of ways. Some may be emotionally needy (with a lot of crying), others may act out in anger, and many will disturb the class taking any chance that they could get to be noticed (See Me Please). Many of their learned behaviors from home life filter out into the school day. Where do you think bullying begins? The scariest behavior of them all is the one I am going to address, and that is “Silence”!
The silent child flying under the radar of life. The child who is meek and mild trying to please others and prays daily to be noticed. Ohh, the silence ringing so loudly, but nobody around them hears it. They are the only one hearing the screaming and pleading for help, which can be so loud, that it takes over everything!
As the teacher is standing in front of the class teaching her lesson, the damaged child does not hear what is being taught. The child only hears the voices inside of him/her. The confusion sets it. I call this the blank area (a moment in time to be lost forever). The brain freezes, all time stops, and nothing feels normal. This terrifying event happens daily, and they are lost inside their own thoughts not able to verbalize what is going on.
Scared – Terrified – Silent -- Imagine that!
I can imagine that, because I was that child. When I think back to that awful time in my life it makes me a bit sad. I see that little girl inside my mind, and I feel her pain. She was a sad, lonely, scared little girl just waiting to be noticed.
In her mind she would dream of being rescued and taken to this beautiful castle in the sky where she would be safe from harm. When the reality would strike its heavy blow, I can remember feeling so hurt, so deeply deeply hurt and I would just cry.
I never said a word, but all the signs were there. It was agonizing to go through life day after day, year after year walking my daily path without acknowledging my pain. It lay dormant festering like the beast within, bubbling, boiling, waiting to blow. It was very difficult to walk this path. Every day as I stepped off the bus and made my way into school, I silently prayed that this would be the day that somebody saw me - really saw me.
That sad little girl grew up into an angry teen, as the darkness continued to grow inside my silent world of hell. I walked the halls in my schools, and nobody knew the depth of my pain. I learned how to hide it well, but that did not stop it from harming me. I looked into the eyes of my peers and thought, “Will they ever see me? Will they ever know me, the real me?”
“If they did know me, would they help me?”
As I made my way from junior high school where my own reign of terror imploded on to others, with bullying, fighting and being defiant at all costs, I moved forward. Low and behold I made it to high school. As my internal rage burned on, I began to change my outer exterior. I focused on learning and being the best that I could be. I offered kindness instead of hate and dreamed of a brighter future. I visualized success.
One would think by hearing this story that SHE overcame it all!
That is farthest from the truth. The truth is, I walked those halls every day feeling more alone than ever. I did not feel comfortable inside of my own skin, feeling paranoid with zero self-esteem! I had friends, even boyfriends, but they did not truly know the “REAL” me – the “DAMAGED” me. I hid it well. Sometimes it would filter out here and there but I held it tight, but secretly as I looked into the eyes of others, I wanted them to see. I wanted them to ask the questions. I wanted them to say I am sorry for what you have been through is there some way I can help or support you.
Those words that I longed for at a teen never came because of “MY SILENCE”.
That silence proved to be deadly in so many ways. It caused damage, permanent damage. As I grew into an adult I struggled profusely. There were many things going on inside of me that I did even understand like - PTSD, Developmental Disabilities, Internal Rage, Nightmares and Flashbacks. I was dealing with all of this and trying to maintain a healthy life, marriage and motherhood.
I remained in silence for far too long and when it finally came out it was a volcanic explosion that claimed every ounce of me until I could find my way out of the rubble. It was painstaking to endure, and took years to overcome.
I still think back to those days of wandering the halls in school, and I think if someone had “seen me” and asked the questions, would my journey have been different? If someone intervened when I was a child (god knows many people saw and experienced the disfunction), would I have suffered less?
As I cannot live on the what if’s in life…
What I can boldly and confidently say is this –
Do not live in a state of silence, it will break you eventually that is a fact. The damage sometimes cannot be reversed. If you are holding in the pain, I encourage you to work towards finding the courage to speak up. Do not hold it for so long because it consumes you, and you reach a point where the words will NOT come out. I had to fight for my life to release them, and once I did the flood gates of my past came bursting open for all to see and hear.
Did I feel better?
Not at first, I actually felt worse, much worse because now I had to face the beast once and for all and put it to rest. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life, but by the grace of god and a strong will I made it. I fought for it tooth and nail. I visualized a positive future and I worked towards that mindset.
I share my story and experiences in hopes to help others achieve a level of healing like I did. I am still a work in progress, and I struggle with my triggers, but I now have an understanding behind them, and that fuels me to continue to push forward. I will always have my bumps, bruises and dents, but what I do not have is “Silence”.
As you make your way forward in life extend kindness whenever possible. Offer compassion because you most likely do not know the full story.
Most important when it comes to the children in your life, surroundings and community - If you see something, say something! It does not hurt to ask the questions. You may be saving a life without even knowing it.
We can all add a bit of kindness to our day routine.
Embrace the Journey,
God Bless,
Lisa Zarcone
Author – Child & Mental Health Advocate – Public Speaker – Blogger – Inspirationalist
Social Media Influencer - MA National Ambassador for NAASCA (National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse)
2023 WOMEN OF IMPACT - BUSINESS WEST MAGAZINE
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BREAK THE SILENCE -- BREAK THE STIGMA
Silence causing damage