How to Support Someone In A Narcissistic – Abusive Relationship
Narcissist – A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They think the world revolves only around them.
When someone is in an abusive relationship, it can only be hidden for so long. As time goes on and the victim becomes worn down, all of the signs begin to show.
The important people in their lives begin to take notice, as the person who is being abused continues to make excuses for the bad behaviors. The more questions people begin to ask that victim will even go to the point of blaming themselves for all that is going on.
The “Narcissist” is a sly creature who plays the game to the ultimate limits, and makes themselves look like the good guy/girl in this twisted scenario. They are so cleaver, making their target feel as if they did something wrong to deserve what they are getting out of this dysfunctional relationship.
The Narcissist is self-absorbed with zero empathy or compassion for anyone, especially their intended target.
Oh, the web that they weave! Endless…
As difficult as it is for the victim, it is also extremely hard for all who are taking the ride feeling helpless, as their pleas seem to fall upon “Deaf Ears”. That is the frustrating part! As we give strong advice, then only to be pushed aside over and over again, makes it very difficult to stay supportive. It becomes painstaking to watch as the years pass, and the abuse gets worse.
Why do you think the victim does not listen?
There are many answers to that question, but the biggest one is that the perpetrator has beaten them down to the point of being broken. That feeling of not being worthy of anything good, and that the abuser has claimed the power, by breaking them down.
This is so difficult to overcome, once your sense of self is compromised and their confidence is destroyed.
So, to say that the victim is not listening, is NOT accurate. They do listen, and deep down inside, they want out, but do not know how to get there. There is this underlying sense of loyalty to the abuser, because they were pushed to that point. Some may call it “being brainwashed”, and in a sense they are, but its about that constant breaking down of the victim through words, behaviors and actions. Also, there can be physical violence that further traumatizes the victim into submission, as they live in a silent hell.
This awful pattern of abuse cannot be reversed in a short period of time. It can take years and many unsuccessful tries to get away from the abuse once and for all. Then the next step is to learn how to heal once it is finally over. The healing process in itself can take years.
Unfortunately, some victims do not make it out alive, and that is the most devastating part for all who are involved.
THIS IS WHY WE MUST CONTINUE TO ADVOCATE FOR THE VOICELESS!
When you are trying to support someone in a relationship like this, you have to be very careful how to navigate through the murky waters. If you come on too strong, they will instantly shut down. If you remain silent and do not acknowledge the abuse, you are adding to the fact that this person feels “unworthy” of anything good in their lives. There has to be balance is how you approach the conversation, and when to make your points. You must also be willing to validate the feelings of the person who is being abused.
Being a consistent person of support is necessary, but also do not sugar coat things, offer honesty, but not in a judgmental way. The last thing an abuse victim needs is more judgement. Of course, it is hard to sit back and watch the abuse happen, and not feel judgmental, because it is all so triggering. At the end of the day, you just want that person to be safe and OK.
Such a difficult position to be in when you are trying to help someone you care about, as you are also trying to be neutral.
There are no easy answers, or quick fixes to a situation like this. There has to be a lot of continued support along the way, and gentle nudging offering a mix of kindness and sensible suggestions.
It is a process for all.
If you know somebody who is in a narcissistic/abusive relationship, one of the best things that you can do to help them escape the abuse cycle is to learn how to support them appropriately.
15 Ways That You Can Support Someone In a Narcissistic/Abusive Relationship:
Listen to them.
Validate their experiences.
Educate them about narcissistic abuse.
Educate them on the signs of being a victim of Domestic Violence.
Encourage them to practice self-care.
Help them set healthy boundaries.
Offer them practical support.
Provide them with a safe space.
Help them rebuild their self-esteem.
Help them build a support system.
Remind them of how important they are. Remind them of their value
Encourage them to move forward one step at a time
Offer kindness and compassion
Encourage them to speak with a counselor to help understand why the abuse is happening.
Offer Honesty.
We must continue to raise our voices for awareness and change. Domestic Violence – Narcissistic Abuse – Mental Health Struggles all go together, and the outcome is like a “preverbal bomb” waiting to explode.
The news every day is riddled with more and more cases of “death by” domestic violence. As the numbers continue to rise, we must push even harder to break the silence of this difficult subject matter.
Please always be aware of your surroundings and be willing to ask the questions. By doing so, you can potentially change the narrative, and even save a life.
Please pass along this important article, and stand up for all the victims out there waiting to be heard.
We can make change happen, if we work together.
Embrace the Journey,
God Bless,
Lisa Zarcone
Author – Child & Mental Health Advocate – Public Speaker – Blogger
Social Media Influencer
2023 Women of Impact
I am a voice
Book Resource: Married to the Illusion: A Survivor’s Guide to Recognizing and Escaping Narcissistic Abuse
Author: Bailey Smith
I highly recommend this book, as Bailey is an abuse survivor turned advocate.
National Domestic Violence Hotline – 24/7
1-800-799-7233
Suicide Prevention Hotline – 988
There are always local “help centers” in most areas. Please if you are struggling,
Reach out for help and support. You do not have to go this alone.
There is always a way.
“Overcoming abuse doesn’t just happen, it takes positive steps every day. Let today be the day you start to move forward.” Moving forward in abuse recovery isn’t easy, but you can move forward mentally and emotionally even if you're living in an abusive relationship” - One Step At A Time
