Abandonment – What Does This Word Mean To You?
Abandonment – Emotional abandonment is a subjective emotional state in which people feel undesired, left behind, insecure or discarded. People who experience this may feel loss, cut off from loved ones and left feeling withdrawn from life. Not worthy.
This is a strong and powerful emotion, but sounding somewhat clinical in definition.
Let’s get to the meat of this topic!
When a child is growing up the three main things that they naturally crave are Love, Safety, Acceptance/Belonging. If they are getting these wonderful emotions, it is so full-filling and the child thrives in their environment. They embrace that feeling of wanting to branch out and excel to the highest degree because they are fueled by a solid foundation. All children should feel this way, but that is not the reality.
The cruel reality is that many (far too many) feel abandoned by the ones that are supposed to love and protect them. Growing up in a dysfunctional environment creates far more damage than many realize.
When a child is constantly rejected, traumatized or left behind, they develop an intense insecurity the filters out into all aspects of their lives. Daily living because a game of survival with blind faith leading the way. The child is craving and seeking this nourishment that is not being fulfilled in the home.
As time goes on that child looks for ways to fill that void, as they feel voiceless. That void most likely will be filled in many negative ways.
- Negative behaviors
- Defiance
- Drama filled
- Anger
- Silence
These are all signs that we should look for in a child who is struggling.
I was that child and I can share first hand one of the many experiences I went through in my young life.
At the time, I was six years old and my brother (who was nine) passed away from Leukemia. I was devastated, confused and emotionally distraught. As my parents moved forward trying to overcome the death of their child, I became lost in that shuffle of the deck.
My father engrossed himself in work and outside of the home activities and my mother (who suffered from mental illness) completely fell apart. I was a little girl hurt in so many ways with nobody to talk to.
As time went on my father left us because he could not handle living in our home and dealing with this dysfunctional environment. I suffered at that hands of my sick mother and another abuser, but what affected me so tremendously was that feeling of “Abandonment”.
I was silently screaming for help, and nobody noticed or they brushed it off. I wanted my brother back and I could not verbalize my thoughts and feelings.
I was hoping that my family, teachers, friends or doctors would see what I was going through and step in.
I waited… I waited… I waited…
NOTHING happened, as I endured the pain alone.
My pain turned to anger, internal rage, and complete insecurity about everything in my life.
Now fast forward to adulthood. I carried that silent pain with me for years.
Did I feel abandoned by my parents, family and others? Absolutely!!!!
How did I cope?
These internal feelings created havoc in my adult life, affecting many relationships (personal and business) along the way.
There are so many people walking around, right this moment, feeling the exact same way that I did; continuing to be affected by the past.
When someone experiences abandonment, that pain runs deep. We wait, and wait for someone to come to our rescue, because that was the emotions/feelings that were bestowed upon us at a young age.
The turning point for many is when you realize, nobody is going to save you. What do you do now? What is your next step? How do you move forward? How do you gain your self-worth?
Very strong questions and important ones that you must ask yourself!
Who is going to save you --- YOU will save YOU!
It is a hard road with many peeks and valleys, but a road you must take. That does not mean you have to take it alone. I encourage you to all seek help and support when needed (and you will need it), so that you can understand and overcome these awful feelings that are resting heavy on your heart.
Healing is possible!
Moving forward is possible!
Living a full life is possible!
It all starts at the beginning. Think about who and what situations brought you to this point in your life, and then think about how you are going to change it.
Work towards changing your mindset and healing your heart.
Reminding yourself that you are worth the battle.
I know for myself, I fought long and hard to “rewire” my mindset and the results were incredible. I learned who I was as a person and why I react to situations the way that I have. I found my “inner child” that was lost, alone and hurting so tremendously, and I took her out of that dark place and cradled her so tight allowing her to process and heal. I also realized that my “self-worth” was so much more than I ever gave myself credit for.
I healed.
I no longer feel abandoned and alone in a sea of people. I realize now that I am loved, safe and most importantly “liked” by myself first.
You can get there! Start at the beginning and go from there. The journey and battle are worth the sadness you will feel along that road towards healing.
Nobody should ever feel abandoned by the world.
No child should ever have to feel that they are worthless.
As adults it is up to us to care for ourselves in a positive way, and also be aware of what the children around us are feeling, living and experiencing. It is time to pull it back together and move forward.
PAST:
“We walked to meet each other up at the time of our love, and then we have been irresistibly drifting in different directions, and there’s no altering that”
We cannot alter that past but we can look to the future!
Let’s embrace the journey together as we stand, find strength and heal.
The time is now.
God Bless,
Lisa Zarcone
