My Latest Project: The book of Joann A Long Complex Journey To Freedom - Prologue

Book 2 - The Book of Joann - A mother & daughter’s journey combatting mental illness - It was a long road home for Joann. This story is about her life, and how mental illness effected everything along the way. I started at the beginning as her story is a very important one to share.

Book 1 - The Unspoken Truth A Memoir is the aftermath of what happens when people fall through the cracks.

Prologue - THE PARTY

During the Christmas holiday my mom’s health had taken a turn for the worst, and as her loving daughter I was going to be by her side to help guide her home. 

It was a cold and snowy day with the barren trees crackling in the wind.  January had not been a kind month to us and the bitter cold whipped right through you with zero compassion.   I am traveling to Connecticut to visit my mother and the traffic on the highway was bumper to bumper gliding across the salt-stained roads.  As I maneuvered forward my anxiety was rising.  I am now openly talking to myself out loud, and to other vehicles passing by, glancing over they may have thought I looked a bit crazy!  I have driven down this road countless times over the years, rushing to my mother’s side to help save her from “herself”.  

On this cold winter’s morning January 28, 2014

I am driving the children to school thinking about everything that I need to accomplish during the day when a strange feeling washed over me.  I hear this whispering voice, “you need to come now”, it was my mother’s voice!   As I left the school, I instantly called my husband and said I had a change of plans and I needed to go to Connecticut this morning instead of later in the day.    John and I organized our arrangements, and I was off.   My mother’s soul was calling out to me, and I was not going to ignore this divine echo.

The years of struggle, conflict and pain wore deeply on my face and soul as I made my way through the hallway towards her room.  The smell of the nursing home always brought great sadness to my heart.  As I walk by each room, I feel the energy of all who dwell here waiting for a visit or a bit of kindness.  I always smiled and waved to those who peaked out to see who was coming.  You could see the disappointment in their eyes when they knew the visitor was not for them.

As I enter the room, she is lying there, eyes closed talking to herself.   As I glance around, I am looking at all her creations.  My mother loved to make many things and she was so creative.  She would use anything from napkins, paper plates and her all-time favorite, Yarn (I still have a ball of pink yarn that she gave me)!  Her room is filled with pictures of her family surrounded by tin foil frames.  I chuckled to myself because over the years her stressful behaviors over shadowed the beauty of her natural ability to create many masterpieces, and the meaning behind each one of them.  

As the sun was shining through the window it seemed to dance around her, glowing this magnificent light, which gave me a feeling that we were not alone.

I sit down in the chair besides her and take her hand.  She still has strength in her body, as she squeezes my hand tightly.  On the days prior to my mom’s passing, she kept on talking about this party she has been attending.   She was in and out of consciousness and seemed to be traveling in her sleep.  At times she was raising her arms, clapping her hands and humming to different songs.    These were songs that I had never heard before, they were in Italian. I sat and watched her for many hours, taking it all in not wanting to miss a beat.

When she would wake up, I would ask her where she has been?    My mother’s answer was always the same – Exactly the same!

My dear Lisa, “I was at the party with everyone in the family, except for Helen; she was not there, but I keep on looking for her.”     To my curiosity, I asked her who was as the party?

This is what my mother shared with me….

She said she was up the country (my great-grandparents home, it was a farm) as they called it.   This was the big party place back in the day.  We had a huge Italian Family and they gathered all the time to celebrate life.

She of course mentioned my Grandparents, my Great- Grandparents and

my Grandfather’s siblings, as there were 8 of them (whom were all musically inclined both in song and instrument).   

My mom went on to say, “Oh what a time I am having Lisa!  This is so great you would never believe it!  I need to go back!”  “It is so bright and peaceful there.”  Those were a few of the last statements she said to me, before she could no longer speak.  

She would close her eyes and drift back off to dance, hum and smile.  I felt her peace and happiness.  Frequently she would ask for her Aunt Helen.  At those moments she seemed perplexed that she was not there among her siblings.   

I was given the gift of watching my mother peacefully transition over from our world to theirs.  Getting a glimpse of the happiness she soon would encounter upon her arrival.

I felt true love radiating out of her as I held her hand and spoke softly to her, encouraging her to go to “Her Party”, and that I would be OK. It was her turn to shine and be free.

Her words became quiet and she passed peacefully at 1:17pm on January 28, 2014…

The point of telling this story…. In her final days her family came to her, letting

Her know it was ok, and she would be safe and happy.  They even let her

Enjoy the music.   As for Helen (my Great-Aunt and my mom’s God Mother).  She is still Alive!!!  She was not at the party for a reason.

I share this because even in my moments of sadness, I was given the gift of knowing that she was returning to her family.   My Father and Brother came in those last moments and guided her to the biggest party of her life!   She is at peace I know it.   I feel it!

I hope others can take some comfort from my story, as my mom gave me a small window into the unknown to let me know our spirits do live on.

Endless love….  We are connected by love as our soul continue to journey forward.

The book of Joann a long complex journey to freedom.

You’ll Never Walk Alone

When you walk through a storm hold your head up high and don’t be afraid of the dark.  At the end of a storm there’s a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark.  Though your dreams may be tossed and blown walk on with hope in your heart and you will never walk alone!