The Reality of Mental Illness - Loss - Heartache - Discovery - Unspoken Truths

The Reality of Mental Illness and the long term effects... As I am moving forward writing "The Book of Joann" my mothers story, this passage puts me back into the past for a moment of reflection...

MENTAL ILLNESS.. it can be such a debilitating disease. As a child I had a first hand experience watching my mom go through the many personalities of Joann... Terrifying, mind blowing and heartbreaking all wrapped in one explosive package...

One of the reasons I decided to write my memoir, "The Unspoken Truth", was to bring awareness to mental illness and how it not only affects the person who is ill, but the family that surrounds and loves them.

Here is a small writing from my Epilogue, talking about the reality that I lived, what did I actually expect, and the yearning for a mom that never goes away, regardless of age!!! PROFOUND AND SOMETHING TO REALLY THINK ABOUT....

Epilogue - The Unspoken Truth A Memoir

Growing up with a mother who was mentally ill proved to be extremely difficult. I had to learn how to cope with things very differently from the average child. I lived in her manic world. As I grew older, and understood a little bit more about her illness, it helped me deal with her. As an adult she still puts a big damper on my life. It seems as I am always running, and she is pulling me back into her mania. The countless phone calls, and stunts that she has pulled along the way have been hard to deal with, even with the knowledge that I have today.

She is a constant stress in my life, and on my marriage. I love my mother dearly, and I wish it were different. I do not have a mom that I can call, and say lets talk! That would be dangerous. I cannot tell her anything that goes on, because she turns it around and makes it about her. It becomes a pity party for her. I always have to be careful about how I word anything. My children were robbed of a grandmother, like I was robbed of a mother. I feel that if my mother were treated differently as a child and young adult, she would not have hit such levels of mania.

At that time in our society, they frowned upon the mentally ill, and did not have the resources that they do today to help. It was a failure and an embarrassment to have a child who was sick. I feel bad for her, in regards to the fact that she could have been better than she was, but this seems to be her life path, and she travels it every day with strength and honor. She has accepted who she is, and what she is about. She still has a deep faith in god, and always remains hopeful. She says to me all the time, “Lisa, you know I am crazy, what do you expect?” I think about that a lot; what do I expect? After all these years, I still find myself wishing for a mom that I could go to. Wishing for a mom that would take care of me instead of the other way around. It is amazing that even as adults we yearn to have the loving touch of our mothers, and feel the safety of her embrace. I never had that, and I know I never will. I do accept that, but there are still those brief moments when I still yearn for it.

This is the reality of mental illness. The loss that I felt over the years of not having “a mom” still haunts me from time to time, but I have made peace with it.

Over the years I learned a very valuable lesson. It was a hard one, but necessary for me to move forward and make sense out of the years of madness. I learned how to separate my mom from the illness. The more that I educated myself about mental health, the more I understood Joann the person, not my mom. I realized her struggles and short-comings as a parent and why they came to be. I saw through the mania and found my mom.

Joann was an extremely strong, intelligent, kind woman with incredible faith and a heart of gold. More than anything she wanted to be a wonderful mother and grandmother. Her will to survive was stronger than any that I have known throughout my life to date. Joann was a Life Warrior, who suffered many terrible losses throughout her life but her motto was “I choose Life”. She did choose life right up until her last breath.

Through my self-work, reflections and education I found my mom, and it was there that I found forgiveness and was finally able to make peace with the past. I always knew my mother loved me, but unfortunately her illness robbed us of so much, but the one thing it could never break was unconditional love.

Food For Thought!

Embrace the Journey,

God Bless

Lisa Zarcone

Social Media Influencer

Massachusetts National Ambassador for Naasca (National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse)

Author - Child & Mental Health Advocate - Public Speaker - Blogger - Inspirationalist